What can i do? It should make us more sympathetic to the plight of others. He has never lied to me and usually says what he means, but Im lost. And you werent aware of the other side of the problem either you may have hurt a truly good and innocent person; you just really dont know. he is the bestest guy i could ever have. It . Zeki S, Romaya JP (2008). I dont want to hear you should have never done that in the first place. Hi I have been with my bf for 3 years Im pregnant with his second child an caught him wwatching porn I feel so down ugly and unloved. Hello, If you go do something I dont suggest, I understand. I must add I have never felt worthy of his love. Im starting to get a lot of feelings for him and he told me to get rid of my feelings because he doesnt know what to do since she hurt him. I dont hold it against him. After a year, I graduated and had a great summer spending a lot of time with my girlfriend and seeing wonderful places all over the state. And she drove back home. My husband rushed into the office & demanded that I take them home as she couldnt walk the 4kms. So we bounced around a little after until we managed to find our own apartment. I deserve so much more than to go down with a sinking ship. When I said that I (his wife & her friend) had not known about their shared phone calls, she said that she knew about that too, but stated that I know your marriage is on the rocks anyway. I told her to leave & never attempt any communication with either of us or our daughters again. Do you think its possible to trust each other again when both people were wronged? Nowadays, if we get into an argument hell just threaten to leave the relationship. Since Im Brazilian we decided to have our little ceremony there with my friends and family and his parents and sister, and having a second party here in Canada for his family and friends afterwards. This guy blew me away, touched my soul, I used to spend ages just watching him read, sleep, do anything. Do you think he can ever fall in love with me again and we can fix our marriage without heading down the divorce road. I always thought my husband would stay..He never judged me, yelled at me, or did a single thing to hurt me. People often dont have pride or self-esteem or confidence because of the way they were treated in childhood and they carry that with them. But he has to give up his thoughts about this other person. He proposed to me this year, on our 7th anniversary, and i say yes. hi dr . Hi Dr Deb. And he says he still loves me and is attracted to me. How do we both stop the non sense??? Old whats wrong. I tried to tell him how hurt I was but he felt if he showed me he loved me then I shouldnt worry about his crazy ex. I wanted her sympathy becuz I have falling in love with her about a year passed and she finally told me she loved me and I was so happy I forgot about the lie and we been dating for more than 2 years and then the lie came out and I confessed the lie and now our relationship is on the rock because of the lie. But after hurting him so much and leaving him in so much despair, he now is numb and lazy to hang onto this relationship anymore :( im really depressed about it and idk how to win him back. How long do I wait to contact her or reach out to her. I was very confident and happy. Im from surrey and she lives in Yorkshire where we both live now I moved up just under 5 years ago and bar the natural small bumps in any relationship everything has been perfect and until now I was certain that was on both sides. I fell out of love with my baby. it didnt help. It might simply mean that the couple has grown apart and cannot seem to make their way back together again. We sought counseling a few years ago and it helped to identify some of our issues but didnt really draw us closer together. Please help. Hi Broken 79 Boosting your energy, increasing your love of yourself and of life, and allowing you to confidently put someone elses needs in front of your own are not easy but they are doable. Our relationship when we got back together two years ago was amazing. But then around 4 months ago I got sexually assaulted while out with a girlfriend and it left me very emotionally apart. This is exactly where I/we are at. We have both suffered from depression but I forgive, and have friends now who have hurt me badly in the past. i dont know how to make him understand and get him back i am really immature with all this . He says I dont act like a girlfriend sometimes and that hurts. but we still communicate and LOVE is still strong. It is possible for a person to change. You are clear that your ex- is using you but you fall into the trap again and again. I feel so emotionally confused, angry, hurt, spiteful & a collection of other feelings. If your partner has truly overcome his/her hurtful behavior, then it must go along with an attitude of patience for your healingand giving of himself/herself. For some reason Im drawn to him and even though I know it would be best, I cant let things end. Our marriage has been rocky ever since. Hi Beth, He knows that something is wrong. What can I do? I doubt that I shall ever learn to trust or respect this man again. Hi Deeksha We still live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and we still have sex. We both still love each other more than anything in the world, but that cant survive without trust and respect. He gets frustrated that I dont trust him but hes willing to do anything to get me to understand. Because hatred and love cause an emotional conflict within us, one of them has to fade away they cannot be equal. Was I wrong to have done this? He says hes changed and wants to be a better husband and father. Thank you so much for responding and here goes. I was hurt. I started to get extremely depressed and I have always been an anxious person but it all got worse after feeling like I had made a huge mistake. But there has been a lot of good too. I dont know what to do but I need advice I cant move on cause my heart belongs to her. I love him and i dont want to ever lose him. He will not see that if you are desperate. The most obvious scenario in which you hate and love a person at the same time is one in which your love is not reciprocated. This woman is fun to be with and makes me feel young but Im afraid she will never have feelings for me and is taking me for a free ride. And I wont get the chance to show him that I can and will make the changes I need to be a better person, regardless of what happens with us. First of all, I respect you for recognizing that you mistreated your girlfriend. Next go-around, see a pre-marriage counselor to work on trust issues and be SURE the guy is trustworthy. My response I regret was hey you will probably break up with me for this, but is it too late for you to ask a friend to attend? We talked immediately on the phone and it was an argument that I can explain as follows: My point was, does it really matter if my shirt is tucked in, wearing formal clothing OR do you really need me to be formally dressed? We got to a point where I had to start fronting her money from our rent that I paid to help buy her some time until her pay came in. We clicked on a level Ive never felt before, and I dont think hed ever felt anything like it either. Regardless we were both feeling it. I really like this girl and understand what she is going through. Hello everyone, helped me out when i thought my life is lost dont know where its going It all started when the father of my two kids left me and sworn never to have anything to do with me and all effort to get him back prove to be abortive and i decided to let things be the way they are cause i felt my life is lost dont know where its going. He still puts a smile on face and makes me laugh. But i wanted a break and asked him to breakup after 3 days of dating and which he accepted but was very sad. He had an abusive disjointed childhood, witnessed domestic violence and was loved by only one parent. Ive been in a relationship for 7 years now, my boyfriend used to be very abusive and I didnt know how to leave him. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. A year later, she accuses him of being the father of her 3 year old daughter, and I find out that they have been seeing each other for 2 weeks and that he may be the father. He gave me a right to go to Mpumalanga if I want to and I never really bothered as I trusted him. Certainly, when my alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning so I can get ready to drive my daughter to school, I would much rather turn off the alarm and roll over for some more shut-eye all else being equal. I dont know what to do. Im feeling really anxious but this article has given me some hope. I know I cant make him stay but how can I prove to him that I am serious and that I dont ever want to hurt him again? He said he had done all of that but he did it on steroids. I married a wonderful man who would have given me the world but unfortunately as soon as we married and came back from our honeymoon it seemed like night and day. where you getting the sweet stuff? I was sad and hurt. I know and accept he is married, I wouldnt want his wife nor would I expect him to leave his wife because they have been together a long time, I simply like what we have between us. We are like soul-mates and only like the comfort from each other. Hello!! Im afraid that if I insist on this topic he ll start to feel guilty and pulls away as he did in the past. Hell take me out on dates, cook me dinner, and most importantly, putting up with me no matter how much I seem to push him away. If he wont listen, maybe you can write him a nice email explaining how you now see your mistake. I went home with someone for a one night stand. Well, things just got worse. He said I had to work on me, and to not focus on him. I was so broken inside I didnt know what to do. He usually texts or calls everyday. Then i started to fall.We had our fights and she wanted to leave me at least 4 different times. I just dont get where hes coming from. Laugh and be playful. Please can you advise how I should act. The fact that he didnt hear the phone next to his head, and at he did things knowing I might have a problem is what made me feel disrespected. I came back a few months later and life was good really good then one day he asked me to find an email with some info on it he needed for work. A side my husband hadnt seen and didnt like. Mel, And it kept bothering me every day. Escorted me inside. We have been engaged for 2 years and only a few months ago decided to get married officially on December 10th. Months after it happened, I went through I tough time in my life and my girlfriend stood by me and helped me. However, this strained friendship (which isnt even a friendship to me because we hardly talk or hang out or do anything that friends do) is kind of frustrating. During that time, i became close with a guy. Our was not only child but freezing cold weather on Wednesday morning. I have treated the one person that I truly admire like crap for so many years. I havent been insane and yelling at her like crazy. If you ever feel you or your children are in danger, please contact local law enforcement or visit your nearest emergency room immediately. He denied hooking up for sex with anyone in reality. I do therapy on Skype if that is of interest to you. She says she hated ma, and was afraid to hate her husband, she felt she was walking on egg shels and all that, then this summer she tells me she is DONE! That is exactly what young people do. Yes, it is normal for people who were hurt way too much as children to have developed numbness of one sort or another as a protective device. People get into drugs because they cant tolerate the emotional pain inside. They can still be gentlemen and not blaming. Its because we were all blessed with great imaginations. hurt but yesterday she just told me she wasnt I tell her I wanna drop everything and start fresh. Good luck to you!! distance relationship so she felt lonely, my physical We started arguing and fighting everyday. I hate mind games, bloody hell why?! ( I think he got tired of her neediness) she then was in a 2 year relationship with a man that was 15 years older. I give you credit for being able to look at yourself and to admit your errors. She was mad. 151 views, 6 likes, 8 loves, 22 comments, 4 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Miller Memorial Baptist Church: Sunday, February 26, 2023~ Reverend Damaris Y Walker, Esq., Pastor ~ Scripture: Song of. Because now I dont know any other way to do this. I realized that I couldnt help him, because he didnt want help. Although i understood her condition growing up in foster homes. After reading this and speaking with my therapist and sponsor, I know that I need to give it time and be loving and kind no matter what, but I have no felt this distant from her, ever. Only someone who has plunged your depths and finds you amazing, special, and wonderful can offer this level of validation. Not because of him, his personality or anything. Like really how this lady who just came in my husband life gone tell me how MY HUSBAND is going think or feel. However, our son who is biologically his only sees his birth dad on occasion when he comes over and visits my ex. We have 2 kids together (2 and 5 years old). I cant forgive him and Im not in love with him anymore. Is there yelling? We stayed together for the baby but I lost him when I was 5 months. From his point of view I betrayed him and from my point of view he betrayed me and the children. I explained that it was because it happened without him asking that he thought it might upset me, and at no point did he stop and put me in front of his desire at the time. Good Morning Dr. Heb, To the point where hed find me sickening and he would cry. Cos I believe that is what enables him. Have you noticed differences in his behavior from the first time around? Then comes running back few minutes later. She chose counseling and says that she wants to try and work things out. He has been doing it ever since. There are a lot of emotions here that need to be examined, understood, regulated, and possibly changed. Weve had our share of problems. Dr. Deb, I am 62 yrs old and have reconnected with someone that I spent 10 yrs with after my divorce 30 yrs ago. Please give me some advice. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years and we have two wonderful daughters. She said again after sending her msg on facebook not to call her anymore. I guess my question is how depression and relationships work? He thinks there are more skeletons in my closet and that I didnt just make out with these guys. When we got together everything was really good. I am so pleased I found your blog! Things turn suddenly drastically becos his wife learn about matters of us though we never commit any offence. Allow this step the time it needs to unfold. He told me that he cant go through something like that again. I felt so disrespected. IIve been in a relationship for 7 years . 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